Corrupt my wish

Granted. You get an iPhone.

I wish to find a good job.

 

granted and its to pamper your worst enemy.

i wish for a lemon.

 

Granted, it is sweet.

I wish for a new small laptop.

 

granted, however it takes an hour for it start up ever single damn time.

I wish I was resistant to the cold (This transition to Canada weather is not going well for me and they say it's just going to get colder)

 

granted and now your body is made of mercury.

i wish for a battery.

 

granted it's a nuclear battery, so you're slowly being exposed to radiation that leads to your death...that was pretty grim

I wish for a pizza the size of a football field

 

granted and you have to eat all of it with everything comes with it (grass, bird bombs, dust, ants).

i wish for a gold swiss-army knife.

 

Granted, but ironic enough, it gets stolen by someone robbing you with a non-gold swiss army knife.

I wish to be omnipotent.

 

Granted, however you are now responsible for billions of lives......have fun sleeping at night.
I wish for mind controlling abilities

 

Granted, but you control people too much that it now becomes everyday life.

I wish for more candy.

 

Granted, but now you're stuck with an obsession over candies... and an uncontrollable compulsion to sing this cheesy song forever:


I wish I could control time.

 

Noooooooooooooooo... Not that song.

Granted but you have no friends to spend time with.

I wish for more anime.

 

Granted, but the anime industry is oversaturated with shallow moe anime because it couldn't churn out enough anime in time to meet the monthly quota... wait, isn't that real life?

I wish nobody would fight with one another ever again.

 

Granted
you have to lick peoples arms all the time to make up for the lack of vilonce,

I wish i could be here more

 

Granted. You're cloned into 1,000,000 copies of yourself and every one of those copies use the forum for a single second of everyday. Oh, and you're also hunted down by scientists for being a clone freak of nature and stuff. The usual 'experimenting on you' plotline.

I wish I'm a better comedian.

 

Granted: each joke steal the ability of laughter from a person in the crowd.

I wish my mouth was not so stretched out of shape after my wisdom teeth removal.

 

Granted your smile is so perfect people will kill you to know your secret

I wish for more time in the day