The Lame Jokes Thread

Ever had a lame joke on your mind but no place to say it? Ever had something embarrassingly lame happen to you but nowhere you could go to retell the experience? Ever wanted to have a place where you can go to look up really pointless jokes? Ever wanted to say a stupid joke you made without repercussions?

Well, want no further! This thread is a safe haven for all those silly jokes or weird mishaps that leave others faceplaming. Post one or many puns, not-so-funny jokes, and stories. We won't judge. We've all had these moments. So let's embrace these urges to just say something stupid!

The only rule is do not be rude to other members (this includes racist, sexist, and flamming other people's views on the forum).

To get this thread moving I'll start with one of my brothers lame history puns. *ahem*

-Which president of the United States is innocent?
Lincoln, because he's in a cent!

 

this cant be good. my jokes are like constipation.

 

Really? Well did you know that broken pencils are pointless?

 

A blonde, brunette & red head walk into a bar. Bartender looks at them and says "what t is this, some kind of joke? "

 

EDIT-

Knock knock.

-Who's There?

Interrupting cow.

-Interupting cow who?

......[Silence]......

---------------------------
That is the failed version of the that joke. Not interrupting the other person is its own joke I guess. I had intended for someone to answer the knock earlier. Oh well.

 

A pony visits the doctor and asks what's wrong with it. The doctor replies "Well, you are a little hoarse."

 

*silence*
then the doctor asked "why the long face?"

 

Nice add in Noobs!

Can February March?
-No, but April May!

 

A man is meeting with a psychologist and starts saying his problem.

"Doctor, I feel confused. One minute I feel like a wigwam, and the next I feel like a teepee. A wigwam, then teepee. Wigwam, teepee. Wigwam teepee wigwamteepee wigwamteepee wigwa-"

The doctor cuts him off in mid-sentence and says, "You are too tense."

 

so a ginger girl went to see a doctor about her bodily pains.
girl : doc, whenever i touched a part of my body it hurts.
doc: could you point it out and then press that part?
girl: *points and presses her belly* ouch!
doc: ok now do the same thing to another part of your body.
girl: *points and presses her chin* ouch!
doc: ok now do the same thing to another part of your body.
girl: girl: *points and presses her left leg* ouch!
doc: ok i think i now know the problem.
girl: what is it doc?
doc: you are not smart are you?
girl: well my friends do say that im a bit slow at times.
doc: i see.
girl: so what seems to be my problem doc?
doc: *sighs* you have a broken finger. come here and lets fix that.

 

Why did the chicken cross the road

To get to the idiots house

Knock knock

Whos there

The chicken

 

A teenage boy is getting ready to take his girlfriend to the prom. First he goes to rent a tux, but there’s a long tux line at the shop and it takes forever.

Next, he has to get some flowers, so he heads over to the florist and there’s a huge flower line there. He waits forever but eventually gets the flowers.

Then he heads out to rent a limo. Unfortunately, there’s a large limo line at the rental office, but he’s patient and gets the job done.

Finally, the day of the prom comes. The two are dancing happily and his girlfriend is having a great time. When the song is over, she asks him to get her some punch, so he heads over to the punch table and there’s no punchline.

 

Why is Peter Pan always flying?

Because he Never lands.

 

i just discovered how to stop the snore!


meet the snore kill kit.

 

Oh Sweet Jesus my mother will love that play on word one. lol

Hope this does not offend anyone!

What do we call a Bees that collects Milk?





Boo-Bee's

 

For the Pokemon fans...

 

Q) What makes a balanced diet?
Student 1) A balanced diet contains 2 fruits and five vegetables with less carbohydrates and processed sugars and stuff like that.
Student 2) A balanced diet is a cupcake in each hand.

personally, I choose the second answer.

 

Funny.

"Wanna hear a dirty joke?"
Yeah
"A pig fell in the mud."
.........

 

I don't even know if this counts as a joke but here goes...
" There once was a bunny. His nose was a little bit runny. We all thought it was funny but it's sNOT."

I heard about this recently and for some reason, it made my day.