Jokes and Burns.

Let's see how long this will last. Please, no shitstorms allowed.

Put your best jokes or burns you have experienced here. Remind you, we do have minors coming and going. Explanations should be saved for after the joke as notes, the complex points.

 

I got one;

A chicken walks into a library and goes up to the librarian at the front desk.

Librarian: Can I help you?

Chicken (stares at her for a minute, then says): Book!

The librarian is confused, but gives the chicken a random book, who looks happy and leaves.

The next day, the chicken returns looking a bit irritated, and returns the book.

Librarian: Oh, hi. Can I help you again?

Chicken: Book book book!

The librarian is still confused, but gives the chicken three random books, which it takes under its wing and goes on its way.

The next day, the librarian sees the chicken come back to the library again, returning all three books. Before she has a chance to ask anything the chicken clucks:

Chicken: Book, book book book, book!

Taken aback, the librarian gives the chicken five more books before it leaves. But the librarian is curious about what exactly is going on here, so she takes her break and follows the chicken out of the building. Eventually, she sees the chicken go into a house, so the librarian sneaks up to the window and looks inside. There, she sees a sick frog, with a cast on its leg, resting in bed. The chicken suddenly comes into the room, gives the frog a hug, and hands over the books it got from the library. The frog then takes a glance at each book, but looks bored and says:

Frog: Reddit, reddit, reddit, reddit, reddit

 

I don't know if any of you have heard this before, but this is a joke that I heard when I was kid and it always made me laugh. It's a long joke though [and it's very immature xD]:

Spoiler

A kid comes home from school and asks his mother, who is talking on the phone, what the first letter of the alphabet is. She says, "Shut up! Shut up!"

He then asks his dad, who is watching football, what the second letter of the alphabet is. He says "Touchdown! Yea!"

Then he asks his brother, who is watching Batman, what the third letter of the alphabet is. He says "Nananana Batman!"

Then he asks his sister, who is in the bathroom, what the fourth letter of the alphabet is. She sings "In the toilet, in the toilet!" [Singing it]

So the kid goes back to school the next day, and the teacher asks him what the first letter of the alphabet is. The kid says "Shut up! Shut up!"

The teacher screams at him and tells him to go to the principals office. The kid says "Touchdown! Yea!"

He goes to the principals office, and the principal says 'Who do you think you are!?" The kid says "Nananana Batman!"

The principal gets mad and says, "Alright! Where do you live? I'm sending you home!" The kid says, "In the toilet, in the toilet!" [Singing it of course]

The kid's family then wonders why their son is a failure. The end

 

@MrLincecum A good laugh indeed.

 

An old joke, but its still pretty funny.