Acceptable Discipline for Children/Teenagers

What are your thoughts on what is acceptable an unacceptable?
If you have ever read "A Child Named It", then you may consider that one example of extreme discipline (though that was not really/entirely the case, it was mostly abuse without cause). Or maybe horror stories on how children ended up in foster care due to abuse (no need for me to say how broken that system is).
Or, you may know of parents who do no discipline on their offspring, or only do minor discipline for their child's actions. Ever hear a story of a man that is to be executed begging parents to not let their children go wild and end up like him (True Grit, for example)?
Different discipline is required for different people, of course. For some, a spanking or slap on the hand will do, or just a lecture will do.
So what are your thoughts on this? How would you discipline your child or teenager? And what do you consider abuse?

 

First off, like you said, with A Child Called "It", that wasn't a story about disciplining a child; it was mostly of just an emotionally unstable mother with a severe alcohol addiction with a father and brothers who did nothing to help him when he very much needed it.

If you haven't read this book, please note that you'll have nightmares and night terrors for about a week upon reading a few chapters of it. Especially the extremely detailed part of his mother stabbing him in the stomach, refusing to call anyone, and him having to treat his own wound by himself with what little knowledge he had. And this is because it isn't some Lovecraftian book about Cthulhu; it's an actual story with by far the worst case of child abuse I've ever read.

Back to the topic at hand.

I have a friend who back when he was a child was told to keep his parents in high regard or face a harsh punishment. He told me one time that he talked back to his mother without thinking, which resulted in a major beating from his father and a large amount of screaming from his mother to the point that I'm surprised he's not deaf today.

On the other side, I have a friend who growing up had parents that basically did not care what he did. He could knock over a huge soda can display in a grocery store that an employee took hours to accomplish and that wouldn't bat an eye.

With corporal punishment, I think it's warranted when your kid is being a complete and utter bastard. If they're sassing you or being a smart alec, a simple revoked allowance, changing the wifi password, or an old fashioned grounding with all devices taken away and doors and windows locked to prevent escape.

Additionally, you could have them attend (or attend yourself) child behavioral classes in order to make sure your children stay in check and not run amuck.

If I was ever a parent, I wouldn't beat my child into submission to teach them respect, but I also wouldn't allow them to be a little shit and do whatever it is they pleased.

 

Mild physical discipline I find acceptable, in the form of spankings. Enough to get the point across, but harsh enough for them to learn, they screwed up big time. Most of the little shits in American society these days have had ZERO mild physical discipline because the State has brainwashed the parents into thinking any physical contact is abuse and children have be brainwashed into thinking that because the State thinks physical contact is abuse, that it gives them the green light to be a spoiled brat and threaten their parents that spankings will get them (the parents) locked up. Most grandparents will nod in approval when a young parent spanks their child, while childless nosy couples will look in disgust and threaten to call the Department of Family Services (or it's various names in different states).

Lectures are typically useless in my opinion. Unless the child respects you, they will just ignore what you say and continue on until you have proven to them that you were serious. Teachers are no longer allowed to discipline children and for this reason, the American school system has gradually become more and more of a daycare system than a strong educational system. I'll agree that if it's just a mild thing, then a mild form of discipline would be warranted (stern lecture, making them sit at the front of the class, basically a small amount of embarrassment to get the point across, but not enough to make a show of it for personal or class amusement).

 

Ditto Vashnik and Timekeeper!!
Nothing more I can say!

If I could only say one thing to all the angry, bratty, and immature kids who feel that Mommy or Daddy is punishing them unjustly by taking away their video games and grounding them for bad behavior:

LOVE IS TOUGH SO LIVE WITH IT!!!

 

I only wish my dad was that nice.




For me, I am not quite sure how I would discipline my children. If anything, I would under-do it.

Growing up, my dad believed in giving spankings for punishment. Understandable. We started going to a certain church that believed in "spare the rod, spoil the child". It wasn't exactly bad, there were plenty of families who did not do that, but others that were faithful to this. One day, a visiting preacher came by and in his sermon preached that discipline should not be gentle, a little talk, a slap on wrist. Since my dad wanted to do what was best for me and follow God's word, he decided to up it in the discipline. Thought he was doing right. Didn't help that he would get depressed and just angry and make it all worse. Slaps, shoves, yelling in the face, spitting in the face, nosebleeds. No punches, and kicks were thankfully held back. I ended up breaking a few sheet rock walls due to being impacted against them. Somehow, I refused to cry during most of this (which made him angrier, thinking I had no remorse).
That was the physical side of it.

As for his lectures, it would take him half an hour or a full hour, sometimes used in tandem with the physical discipline. Yelling, talking, saying what could have been, and cussing (in a church that believes cussing to be a hell-binding sin, this was serious).
And this was for minor stuff like "walking weird" (arms did not swing enough), not paying attention in class and getting a detention (punished at home and school in that case). And the important stuff like when I forged his signature on a note the teacher sent home? Just an extended punishment time. I had a GBA, and he snapped it in half one morning because I had been picking a scab. It itched the night before, and I rubbed it to relieve the itch (did have scab picking problems at the time, but in this case, that was not what I did).
The beatings stopped soon after he got remarried. Only at this time, did I get grounded for a whole summer and a few school months from any use or view of video games. Ended up learning that I had Asperger's Syndrome, and that dad has something like that too, though he remains untested. That explains why I did not act normally and got punished for it. But what I also learned, is that I was diagnosed at a young age, and at 15-16 I finally learned I had it. Somehow, my dad forgot I had it.

Another preacher visited after that other one did, and said that the hand should never be used to discipline, but to show love instead. Seems my dad did not seem to hear that guy very well, or only considered it when he was not angry.

Maybe it was for the best. I hear that children with Asperger's can become violent and unruly if left unchecked. And now, my dad truly regrets doing this. He keeps apologizing about it, and I cannot help but forgive.

Anyway, I will never do the same to my children.
If I ever, ever, strike with my hand like my dad did, I will suicide. That, is a deadly promise I will keep, regardless of the consequence that is a surefire trip to Hell.

 

To be fair some of the treatments back in the day were a bit harsh.

I remember my dad telling me back in the day when he was in primary school that if he or his classmates did even the slightest thing out of line it would result in the teacher slamming their head against the blackboard, getting hit in the back of the leg with a ruler, or making them sit in the dark closet for the remainder of the period (sometimes longer)

I was a little nightmare back in school, but I can say with certainty that any physical punishment I received from my teachers or my parents (more often my parents) I deserved 100%

Nowadays if kids do things that are out of line, the harshest thing that can receive is a suspension. Unless they do something abhorrently bad like threatening to kill a classmate, in which that warrants expulsion or something on that level.

As for home punishments, if I was a real bastard to my parents, I was usually rewarded with a smack from either a belt or a wooden spoon. And if I ever decided to shoot my mouth off to my mother (my dad didn't really care if I did it), I'd get a bar of Irish Spring shoved in my mouth.

Parents shouldn't allow their children to curse until maybe the age of fourteen at least.

If I could say anything to those brats, I'd say your punishments are bug bites compared to the dog bites we used to get

 

I remember the stories my parents have told me about their punishments back in the day. However, the head being slammed against the blackboard was probably a bit too far, even for my tastes (and certainly not something I've heard done before). I have heard the use of a ruler and/or yard stick though. Kids will be kids, but not everything has to be escalated to abuse right off the bat, especially if it's just a mild infraction. Gradual escalation might be warranted if the kid just doesn't learn their lesson, but definitely not immediate escalation because of let's say, passing notes in class as a mild infraction as their first offense.

 

I truly am very sorry for what your dad did to you, I am happy to hear that you have made up, but that must have been terrible!!!
If I could revise what I said in the above post, it would be this:

If my child did something I considered minor, such as breaking a lamp or being wild and noisy in the house when i had told he or she not to, I might suspend his allowance for a week to pay for the lamp or remind that I told he or she not act like that in the house and to play like that outside, but I would not lay a hand on them for minor disobedience or small issues, and I would not lay a hand on them for large issues such as stealing or talking back rudely or even hurting someone, I might talk with them sternly but gently and have some fitting punishment for what they did, but I would not berate them or physically reprimand!!!

 

I read that when I was about 13-14. I remember how the author's dad did nothing, but his brothers were a bit different. Of course, they made no effort to help. Rather, I remember reading at one point they helped in the abuse. Even referred to his youngest brother as "Mommy's little Nazi", I assume because he was the tattle tale.
Though there is some controversy/skepticism on how much what happened was exaggerated, though I doubt one can exaggerate a knife scar.

And I was just about to delete my earlier pity story, until I realized it got quoted it.

That was my take on how to discipline properly, a good talk.

A taking away of allowance would be a good idea, I think. That was just not an option for me since my dad's reason for avoiding the allowance was along the lines of him already providing me with food and shelter. I don't want to be too easy like some how some parents are. Maybe some forced exercise could take place of physical discipline, but then that could result in the kid thinking that exercise as simply a punishment, making him or her become a fatso who hates exercise.

I want to bring my children up right, but if it calls for something physical... I just can't do it.
Actually, I considered myself to be whining too much about how I was disciplined, especially after reading "A Child Named It". It's strange, but I have had no problem being hit for discipline, yet for it to be done to anyone else, it bothers me.

 

Eh... there's a lot more that goes into child raising than just discipline, especially physical. Maybe it would fly in extreme cases, but physical discipline would really only be effective in the childhood years because teenagers are scientifically proven to be more rebellious [meaning it wont have the desired effect].

While I think today's children are a cancer to society, I think limiting their spending ability goes a long way into curbing their attitudes. I was never beaten as a kid even though I had every right to be beaten [I was a problem child, at home and at school]. The most I ever got was a slap in the face even thought my parents were older and were born in the generation where physical discipline was accepted.

But I didn't get ANY allowance. Almost none. I had no spending ability whatsoever. What did that do to my behavior? Instead of going out and spending money on useless things, I spent my time outside playing. Instead of being on my phone all day [I didn't have a phone until High School, and didn't have a smart phone until two months ago and I signed my own name on the bill], I was talking to people in person every day at school. What difference did this all make? I felt powerless, and I think we can agree that a kid who feels powerless is not going to fuck around with people. There are other things associated with that, but I'm not here to write an essay.

Now why the fuck did I say all that? Don't get me wrong, physical discipline can still be effective, but I think that constraining their spending can actually be equally beneficial. The only kids and teenagers that turn into fuckboys are the ones who have all the money they need. They think they're untouchable because mommy and daddy give them everything they want. I live in white-town 101, and we have no poor people, so I see this all the fucking time.

I once had someone throw eggs at me out of their car window as I was walking along the street minding my own business. I've had obscenities shouted at me from cars by fuckboy kids and teenagers for the simple reason that I was walking along the street, and I've had ten year old kids pick fights with my friends and I [TEN YEAR OLDS!!].

Honestly, I don't know how much of this would actually work, but it happened to me and I turned out okay... I think xD.